I'm facing social challenges now. Well, not exactly now, but it has been going on for sometime. I am realizing that as I get older, I find it harder to make friends. I am unable to find people with whom I click and who click with me. It all seems like the thing of the past: Hours of conversations, debating issues, talking openly and freely about anything under the sun, agreeing to disagree..well you get the picture. But that is not what this is about. This is about 'Pretend Friends'.
May be I just made that word up. Well, these are acquaintances who I meet more often than I would an acquaintance. Yet, we never graduated to becoming friends. They have long remained in the role and I'm having to do things with them just because. I'm sure they feel the same way about me too. Don't get me wrong. They are perfectly nice people, very helpful (when I ask for help) and sometimes fun too. But somehow, we don't have those endless conversations. I can't seem to look forward to get-togethers with them. Yet, every birthday, every festival, every idle weekend, we all seem to meet, as if we have an unbreakable pact. We drop in notes of hi/hello/how are you every now and then. But that is it. There seems to be this constant fear of revealing too much of oneself, spelling out plans for the future. May be it is just the fear of becoming friends? It is like walking on eggshells.
It goes like this: Oh, don't say this, you might offend someone in the group. I'm asking - 'So what? It is my opinion. Everyone can have an opinion right'.
Oh, we have to invite everyone, cause they invited us for their thingy. I'm asking - ' So what?, I want to spend time with people I have fun with, with people who mean something, with people I'm comfortable with. How long do I continue this act of courtesy'?
I tried thinking of several reasons why we don't click. I'm unable to put a finger on anything. We have similar tastes, interests, nothing wrong there. But we just don't gel. May be we don't do much things together other than eat, drink and be merry (rephrase, pretend to be merry). Sometimes, it gets complicated. One time, I get a feeling that we are becoming friends. But the next time we meet, I feel like I dint get the note that said ' We are back to behaving acquaintances now'. It gets really hard to gauge what to say/do.
Now, I'm getting tired of all this pretending. I want to end it. Just be plain and face the fact that we are not friends, just acquaintances. I don't have to go to every get together, I don't have to pretend and smile and show like I'm having a good time (even when I'm sometimes not!). Life is short and unpredictable. I'm sure they are also tired of all this pretending. But I'm not sure where to start/how to start. Again, the fear of offending someone rises. This is like an endless loop. Have you been in this situation?
ps: I was discussing the topic of 'Virtual Friends' with my BIL. But that is for another post..
Monday, March 02, 2009
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Google Latitude?
Ok..NO! I don't want to be tracked every minute of my day. Are you telling me that I can no longer WFH and actually sit and work from *bux or my favorite hole-in-the-wall eatery? Are you telling me that I can no longer tell my friend 'I'm on my way' while truthfully I am still at home in front of my mirror throwing on some lipstick? Are you telling me that I can no longer say I'm away for my weekend while the truth is I am too lazy to get outta my couch at home. I mean, I don't mind knowing where I am at, but I definitely mind knowing that someone else knows where exactly I'm at..
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
WLB..a myth?
I am gearing to get back to work. The last 4 months were the most enjoyable time of my entire life. I had a beautiful baby girl in Nov and my life hasn't been the same. She is so much joy that words fail to express what I feel when I see her smile. As I sit down, with her enjoying her beauty sleep on my lap, I begin to wonder.
In less than 20 days, I get back to work. This world has seen me go through job-life. I used to love the challenge at work. So many evenings/nites/weekends were all sunk in work and sometimes, I even enjoyed it! Doing well and moving up the career ladder was extremely important not just to my ego but also to my understanding of who I really am! Now, all that is out of the window. I am not saying that I want to sit at home and take care of my daughter. All I am saying is that office work doesn't seem to head my list of important things. I love this transformation and fear it at the same time.
Fear, because I am in search of Utopia - Work Life Balance.
Is it a myth?a fairy tale which ends 'and they lived happily ever after' but all of us know, there is no happily ever after. That is because life is a journey and not a destination. I haven't heard one soul among my friends say that they have a good work life balance. Everyone seems to be struggling to spend time with their families, spend enough time with work, network and stay happy. In the scrambling to find happiness and peace, we all quite miss out on enjoying the journey of life. What I really don't understand is why work environments are designed the way they are. Doesn't everyone realize that such designs only add stress to their lives. The stress seeps in and creates restlessness in family lives. But wait, it doesn't stop there. It also creeps into work life and creates shoddy deliverable. Why don't companies simply realize that a happy employee means a longer and sustainable profit for the firm?
In this day and age of global competition, employers push for working beyond geographical boundaries. While it seems great that we have 24 hr stores, helplines, ATMS, it also means that someone is working beyond his 8 hr day..his/her 40 hr week. Many of my friends can vouch for the pain of working beyond time zones and boundaries, simply to deliver faster (the better is lost in translation!). Do we really need instant gratification and success in $$ at the cost of happiness? Oh like the companies really care!
To me it seems like running on the treadmill to stay in place. ..rush to work, rush to meetings, rush to reply to emails, rush through lunch..the list is endless. It seems like people just want to get done with their job and rush back home to rush through the rest of their day. And it finally dawns on 31st Dec every year..the ultimate question: How did this year fly by? Promptly 'Will do better this year' follows.. How can one break this cycle?
So, where can I find it..my dream: work life balance. A job designed in such a way that I don't have to sacrifice at home to deliver at job or sacrifice at job to deliver at home..
In less than 20 days, I get back to work. This world has seen me go through job-life. I used to love the challenge at work. So many evenings/nites/weekends were all sunk in work and sometimes, I even enjoyed it! Doing well and moving up the career ladder was extremely important not just to my ego but also to my understanding of who I really am! Now, all that is out of the window. I am not saying that I want to sit at home and take care of my daughter. All I am saying is that office work doesn't seem to head my list of important things. I love this transformation and fear it at the same time.
Fear, because I am in search of Utopia - Work Life Balance.
Is it a myth?a fairy tale which ends 'and they lived happily ever after' but all of us know, there is no happily ever after. That is because life is a journey and not a destination. I haven't heard one soul among my friends say that they have a good work life balance. Everyone seems to be struggling to spend time with their families, spend enough time with work, network and stay happy. In the scrambling to find happiness and peace, we all quite miss out on enjoying the journey of life. What I really don't understand is why work environments are designed the way they are. Doesn't everyone realize that such designs only add stress to their lives. The stress seeps in and creates restlessness in family lives. But wait, it doesn't stop there. It also creeps into work life and creates shoddy deliverable. Why don't companies simply realize that a happy employee means a longer and sustainable profit for the firm?
In this day and age of global competition, employers push for working beyond geographical boundaries. While it seems great that we have 24 hr stores, helplines, ATMS, it also means that someone is working beyond his 8 hr day..his/her 40 hr week. Many of my friends can vouch for the pain of working beyond time zones and boundaries, simply to deliver faster (the better is lost in translation!). Do we really need instant gratification and success in $$ at the cost of happiness? Oh like the companies really care!
To me it seems like running on the treadmill to stay in place. ..rush to work, rush to meetings, rush to reply to emails, rush through lunch..the list is endless. It seems like people just want to get done with their job and rush back home to rush through the rest of their day. And it finally dawns on 31st Dec every year..the ultimate question: How did this year fly by? Promptly 'Will do better this year' follows.. How can one break this cycle?
So, where can I find it..my dream: work life balance. A job designed in such a way that I don't have to sacrifice at home to deliver at job or sacrifice at job to deliver at home..
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Like I care..
you know the feature I hate on FB..it is the one that says X wrote 'bla..bla..' on Y's wall..I mean c'mon, why do I care what X wrote on Y's wall, unless I am interested in X or Y..and if I am, following him/her on FB instead of directly reaching makes me a loser. What would make an interesting twist in the tale is if X and Y were gossiping about me!
Friday, January 02, 2009
No seriously..Happy New Year!
Here we are..at the beginning of a Brand New Year. Like every new year, filled with optimism and hope for the upcoming 364 days. Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
New Year Resolution
When your very own mom says you need to lose weight, err..you better do something about it..