Creativity and inner Balance..

This was written back in Oct-Nov 2009 and finally gets to see the blogworld:
During my baby bonding time to say that I enjoyed myself these past weeks is an understatement. I spent a good amount of time with Pingu, tried to squeeze in workouts here and there and in general been busy with my own little projects. I am beginning to realize more and more than I need to have an outlet for creativity. In this world of schedules, deadlines, square boxes, straight lanes there needs to be a room to have fluidity, shapelessness, chaos. I started mini projects to decorate my rooms and am beginning to draw satisfaction from them. I guess this was what I have been missing past few years there by leading to a restless inner self. Back in my tweens (gosh, realizing I'm old!), I was a part of a group that did a lot of creative structures and even more creative kadalai (smirk) which helped establish a good balance. Hopefully I find that balance soon.

Time Scarcity

It is past 3.00 am in the morning. I haven't slept a wink. I managed to clean up the kitchen a little, pack lunch and dinner for hub, lunch for myself, clean some of the l'll one's stuff, put away toys and dolls displayed and some other minor activities that I don't recall now. I still have more official work pending, the clothes are lying after laundry waiting to be folded and neatly arranged. I was told earlier today that an insect was found in some clothes. I need to look into what happened. Oh, I have a lamp to clean..this list seems endless.. There is something def wrong with the way I am using my time.. may be I am just loosing it and can't find it...

Bollywood Stars and Blogs

Hbee on a tour out at SD, baybee fast asleep, I finally got my time. It wasn't exactly downtime when I started working. I remembered reading somewhere not to spend my entire life working. Good point. I decided to go through some tinsel town news. One thing lead to another and I was glancing through blogs of Aamir Khan and Big B. Hmm. I think even if I was paid to blv, I wouldn't blv that Aamir and Big B write their blogs everyday. Don't they also have the same 24 hrs that I do. There are many days when I find it hard to carve out time to fix my hair (which typically shudn't take more than 15 mins and yes! I don't get even that 15 mins most of the days and end up pulling it all into a tiny ponytail..it is more like a pig tail actually). How do stars as big as themselves find the time to write PAGES of articles every day? I can't help but feel sorry for them for having to lead a life behind so many different masks (I'm thinking artistic venetian masks). May be it is true for them too. Their work-acting also spills over into their personal life and the line between work and life disappears..that would be some strange living!

Down Time..hmm..what to do??

These days, I don't get much time to sit down/read emails/catch up with friends. So weird, but today I finally got this much needed down time. But I'm so overwhelmed that I don't know what to do!!!

Spontaneity

Spontaneous?Not me. I am a planner. I make lists, lists of lists and enjoy the feeling of crossing them out when they are done. But I am beginning to realize that I see the world as squares while everyone enjoys things in all sorts of shapes and forms.
Ever wondered how some people can be so spontaneous. They don't seem to care what the people around them would think of them, what they would say/how they would react. I love such spontaneous people. They add that spice to live. They seem to live the moment, breathe life into boring monotony, bring sunshine and smiles into any place they stop by. They seem to enjoy life. Being this list maker, I fear I wouldn't have fun stories to share with my grandchildren(yes, I think about such things). I feel guilty for running through each day just doing what is required before hitting the bed and calling it a night. It is not that I don't get ideas that can bring a smile on people's face and make my day happier. I am still wondering what is that "thing" that is stopping me.

I was talking about this to a friend and I'm slowly realizing there are two kinds of spontaneity. I would classify them as 'long term' and 'short term' or 'tactical' and 'strategic'. Spontaneous action that would yield happiness in long run (job, career decision, school, girlfriend) being strategic. Things like unplanned picnic, dancing during the day like no one is watching, singing out loud, long drives, hanging out being tactical.

There is more to say, but I lost my train of thought/inspiration. Will come back and pen them down when they hit me. To summarize, I am thinking tactical spontaneity brings more smiles everyday. Would you agree?

How Twitter saved my day

This has been my nightmare for quite sometime- missing my cell phone charger. And it happened!
My husband "borrowed" my cell phone charger and left it in his office. To my alarm, it is Le Weekend! And no, going all the way to the office to get just a phone charger is outta question. On top of that, my husband had his 'once in a zillion years' sat class as a part of his part time MBA program. So, this morning while I was still rubbing sleep out of my eyes, he chirped in : " Sorry, I forgot your charger at work. I will be in sat class all day today. Find an iPod charger and it should work on your iPhone as well'.
Honestly, I did not hear anything beyond 'Forgot your charger at work'. I woke up as if an earthquake hit my bed! I panicked! What if my mom was trying to reach me to tell me some relative had been hit by a bus. What if they called me from work. The thing with work is, You ALWAYS answer the phone. Remember that scene from 'The Devil Wears Prada'? Andy panicks when her friends play with her fone and she 'almost' misses the call. Well, it is EXACTLY like that..but I digress(And Yes! I love/enjoy chick flix). Anyway, bottom line, everyone in the world will try to reach me on my cell phone exactly when my cell phone is dead. I can't let that happen! I started thinking of all the friends I can ring up to borrow a charger. But damn, my phone is dead and my home phone doesn't have long distance AND I don't remember any of their numbers! Bloody neat!
I was numb but smiled so that my husband can leave peacefully to his class. My l'll one cooed lying next to me. I was thinking : "Yes, mommy will find a solution. I will save us from this terrible day.".
Like a beam of sunshine on a gloomy day, my eyes fell on the picture of our family God : Tirupathi Balaji. Yes! He was my answer.. err, I mean, yes, God is always an answer. But since I need a charger and I haven't heard of chargers falling from God's pictures, I'll have to resort to my neighbor with the same name who actually 'might' have a charger. But wait, how do I reach him? My cell phone is dead and I don't know his cell number. Immediately, I ran to my laptop and looked for him: on FB..nope!, on Gtalk...nope again..one more hope, wait.., on Orkut...waaaah!!!!. Alas! the man who is almost always available at one place or another went missing, went underground..just plain vanished! I panicked more..did he decide to go away for the weekend; was he unwell and in hospital; did he decide to move without telling anyone. I really need him to be there 'coz I need to borrow his phone charger. I kicked myself back to reality. Think..think..Ah..ha!bulb burning..'Twitter'!!!
My joy knew no bound! I could 'Tweet' him..yes..no matter where he was, he would receive an sms(hopefully, he has set it up that way). I could sms him my home number and ask him to call me in case he wasn't at home. If he wasn't home, may be I could convince him and break his door and get to the phone charger..you think that sounds too far fetched? you just don't know how I can convince people...
Well, coming back to the situation: so, I tweeted..AND sent him a direct message (just to be doubly sure). Five minutes passed..the LONGEST five minutes of my life. I waited, holding my breath(well, the 10 secs that I can hold. What do u think I am? a superwoman?). After those 5 mins, my google chat 'Dinged'! OMG! my day has been saved!! He responded..I could have hugged even a buffalo at that point (just saying it coz I'm triply sure there are no buffalos on the street here). He said he doesn't own an iPhone charger, but could loan me his iPod charger and that might work. We agreed to meet on the street. I swore under my breath to work more diligently for my company. Isn't it a master stroke to make mp3 chargers compatible with its phone chargers and thus save my day? We all should prostrate before such a company! (I hear some actually do, although, I haven't seen anyone in action in the past year)..

Phew! It was a HUGGE relief! We met on the street within 30 secs, I borrowed the cable and my phone is now happily charging.

Can you imagine what would have happened without 'Twitter'? I would have been forced out of my virtual hole. I would have had to resort to what my parents and their generation would have 'normally' done : knock on the neighbors door and interact in person!

Can You stop Pretending?

I'm facing social challenges now. Well, not exactly now, but it has been going on for sometime. I am realizing that as I get older, I find it harder to make friends. I am unable to find people with whom I click and who click with me. It all seems like the thing of the past: Hours of conversations, debating issues, talking openly and freely about anything under the sun, agreeing to disagree..well you get the picture. But that is not what this is about. This is about 'Pretend Friends'.
May be I just made that word up. Well, these are acquaintances who I meet more often than I would an acquaintance. Yet, we never graduated to becoming friends. They have long remained in the role and I'm having to do things with them just because. I'm sure they feel the same way about me too. Don't get me wrong. They are perfectly nice people, very helpful (when I ask for help) and sometimes fun too. But somehow, we don't have those endless conversations. I can't seem to look forward to get-togethers with them. Yet, every birthday, every festival, every idle weekend, we all seem to meet, as if we have an unbreakable pact. We drop in notes of hi/hello/how are you every now and then. But that is it. There seems to be this constant fear of revealing too much of oneself, spelling out plans for the future. May be it is just the fear of becoming friends? It is like walking on eggshells.
It goes like this: Oh, don't say this, you might offend someone in the group. I'm asking - 'So what? It is my opinion. Everyone can have an opinion right'.
Oh, we have to invite everyone, cause they invited us for their thingy. I'm asking - ' So what?, I want to spend time with people I have fun with, with people who mean something, with people I'm comfortable with. How long do I continue this act of courtesy'?
I tried thinking of several reasons why we don't click. I'm unable to put a finger on anything. We have similar tastes, interests, nothing wrong there. But we just don't gel. May be we don't do much things together other than eat, drink and be merry (rephrase, pretend to be merry). Sometimes, it gets complicated. One time, I get a feeling that we are becoming friends. But the next time we meet, I feel like I dint get the note that said ' We are back to behaving acquaintances now'. It gets really hard to gauge what to say/do.
Now, I'm getting tired of all this pretending. I want to end it. Just be plain and face the fact that we are not friends, just acquaintances. I don't have to go to every get together, I don't have to pretend and smile and show like I'm having a good time (even when I'm sometimes not!). Life is short and unpredictable. I'm sure they are also tired of all this pretending. But I'm not sure where to start/how to start. Again, the fear of offending someone rises. This is like an endless loop. Have you been in this situation?

ps: I was discussing the topic of 'Virtual Friends' with my BIL. But that is for another post..

Google Latitude?

Ok..NO! I don't want to be tracked every minute of my day. Are you telling me that I can no longer WFH and actually sit and work from *bux or my favorite hole-in-the-wall eatery? Are you telling me that I can no longer tell my friend 'I'm on my way' while truthfully I am still at home in front of my mirror throwing on some lipstick? Are you telling me that I can no longer say I'm away for my weekend while the truth is I am too lazy to get outta my couch at home. I mean, I don't mind knowing where I am at, but I definitely mind knowing that someone else knows where exactly I'm at..

WLB..a myth?

I am gearing to get back to work. The last 4 months were the most enjoyable time of my entire life. I had a beautiful baby girl in Nov and my life hasn't been the same. She is so much joy that words fail to express what I feel when I see her smile. As I sit down, with her enjoying her beauty sleep on my lap, I begin to wonder.
In less than 20 days, I get back to work. This world has seen me go through job-life. I used to love the challenge at work. So many evenings/nites/weekends were all sunk in work and sometimes, I even enjoyed it! Doing well and moving up the career ladder was extremely important not just to my ego but also to my understanding of who I really am! Now, all that is out of the window. I am not saying that I want to sit at home and take care of my daughter. All I am saying is that office work doesn't seem to head my list of important things. I love this transformation and fear it at the same time.

Fear, because I am in search of Utopia - Work Life Balance.
Is it a myth?a fairy tale which ends 'and they lived happily ever after' but all of us know, there is no happily ever after. That is because life is a journey and not a destination. I haven't heard one soul among my friends say that they have a good work life balance. Everyone seems to be struggling to spend time with their families, spend enough time with work, network and stay happy. In the scrambling to find happiness and peace, we all quite miss out on enjoying the journey of life. What I really don't understand is why work environments are designed the way they are. Doesn't everyone realize that such designs only add stress to their lives. The stress seeps in and creates restlessness in family lives. But wait, it doesn't stop there. It also creeps into work life and creates shoddy deliverable. Why don't companies simply realize that a happy employee means a longer and sustainable profit for the firm?

In this day and age of global competition, employers push for working beyond geographical boundaries. While it seems great that we have 24 hr stores, helplines, ATMS, it also means that someone is working beyond his 8 hr day..his/her 40 hr week. Many of my friends can vouch for the pain of working beyond time zones and boundaries, simply to deliver faster (the better is lost in translation!). Do we really need instant gratification and success in $$ at the cost of happiness? Oh like the companies really care!

To me it seems like running on the treadmill to stay in place. ..rush to work, rush to meetings, rush to reply to emails, rush through lunch..the list is endless. It seems like people just want to get done with their job and rush back home to rush through the rest of their day. And it finally dawns on 31st Dec every year..the ultimate question: How did this year fly by? Promptly 'Will do better this year' follows.. How can one break this cycle?

So, where can I find it..my dream: work life balance. A job designed in such a way that I don't have to sacrifice at home to deliver at job or sacrifice at job to deliver at home..

Like I care..

you know the feature I hate on FB..it is the one that says X wrote 'bla..bla..' on Y's wall..I mean c'mon, why do I care what X wrote on Y's wall, unless I am interested in X or Y..and if I am, following him/her on FB instead of directly reaching makes me a loser. What would make an interesting twist in the tale is if X and Y were gossiping about me!

No seriously..Happy New Year!

Here we are..at the beginning of a Brand New Year. Like every new year, filled with optimism and hope for the upcoming 364 days. Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year!