lipstick lexion??

I am not a big make up beauty. Frankly, when I look at that tray, I have no clue which goes on which part of the face. I know bare minimums, like lipstick is for lips and eyeliner is for the eye. I always am amused at these articles on msn(or take your favorite time-pass site). Look at the one today: lipstick lexion. It advises: if you have a dark skin..now how am I supposed to know how dark my skin is, I mean, are we talking about dark like dark dark or are we talking about dark like medium dark or slightly dark. And wow..what is this dark tone that is being spoken about?and oh great! now I need to know if I have a medium skin tone with golden undertones, err..undertones?under to what? The article makes me give up all hopes of learning to make up. Me, who cannot draw a straight line of 2 cms without a scale, how can I hope to work with these unique tools of art aka lipstick,mascara... how can I hope to be a Rembrandt to paint Night Watch. It amuses/scares me to read the directions to apply on the sites..apply a dusting of translucent powder...oh, you lost me. I realized that I sport a bewildered look when I read these articles...who wouldn't? Imagine if I had to read these directions and follow them, God help me! I am supposed to get natural, understated wet look with a hint of color and varying degrees of shine. Help! this sounds a lot like deriving Penrose equation to prove disk accretion in Schwarzchild black holes(thanks VJ, for this part)..what now? Now, men of the world, do you understand, it would take us time to get ready, cause we need to get the right look and feel by throwing a slick layer of Hudsalva (Swedish, all-natural cocoa butter stick) or Vitamin E stick over a lipstick that is deep and riche so that with ingredients like porous silica seal it in, and cetyl octoanate, the lipstick would last longer.

Long live La langue de maquillage