je me souviens

We were a wonderful couple. Many of our friends were jealous of us. My man was perfect for me. It is strange, now, when I think of how it all started, I see myself now wishing that I was different or he was, or that we just hadn't decided to get together. I do not actually remember how we first met.

I am a free lance journalist and my job takes me everywhere in the world. It was on one such business trips that I met him, I think. Our flight was delayed and both were sitting next to each other and working for quite a long time without talking a word to each other. It is funny, but to us, our work was our life. I remember that is why I really started liking him. With him, I felt freedom, unstrung from the usual ropes of relationship..Never heard "you did not call me", "you did not mail me", "we aren't spending enough time together" in our relationship. Strange that I thought this was freedom..but now...

Caught in the web of work and rest, we missed to touch each other. Locked in the world of travails and tasks, we forgot those "wish you were here" calls, the little notes on the kitchen closets. As we unraveled the mazes of complexity at work life, our cozy home was becoming a house. We were falling apart without realizing it. I kept traveling and he, working. Now that it is all over, I feel empty. I miss him, but I can’t tell why. I miss him, but I can’t tell how. I was searching for reasons to hold on to him, for answers to all the questions that were never raised, for solutions to all our problems that did not exist between us.

I began to realize that we did not fight like normal couples did, we did not argue like them. I wasn’t envious of his pretty secretary; he wasn’t asking me questions about my life. We seem to just move on as two friends living together, oblivious to the existence of the other; like two roommates who completely compromised with each other. I wished so hard that were weren’t alike. I dreamt that we would suddenly find each other different, and start all over again. Differences that we can enjoy and learn from, diversity that would add spice to our lives, disparity that would color our lives. I wondered if he was going through the same thing as I, if he also did not know if we were right or wrong in making this bold move.

We parted ways not because we found a reason to; rather because we could not find a reason to walk together.